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巴黎雷歐《情緒管理十二講》第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你 [原創(chuàng)]

第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你

我不太確定這種情況是否普遍。但我逐漸明白，在我生命中的大部分時間里，我總是有一種奉獻精神。讓我很快地說出來：它并不總是相同的，而且?guī)缀鯖]有任何邏輯。

這是一種有趣的說法，我在生活中的奉獻已經(jīng)隨著時間的推移發(fā)生了很大變化。從小學(xué)開始，我被一位同學(xué)介紹給街機視頻游戲，開始了我和整個視頻游戲之間的愛與恨的關(guān)系，直到今天。在初中和高中期間，雖然我必須努力學(xué)習，但我的心始終被鎖定在電子游戲中。你可能認為這不是人們通常把奉獻定義為概念的方式，請先聽聽我的意見。我不介意做其他事情而不是游戲。我仍然在課堂上花費了大量的時間，進行必要的學(xué)習，并與我的同伴交往，進行社交活動。然而，我沒有通過這些活動獲得任何滿足感或目的感。我的頭腦總是圍繞著以下問題轉(zhuǎn)：我什么時候可以玩游戲，我怎樣才能做得更好，我怎樣才能把這個變成我一生要做的一件事情？

我的生活目標，以及我的存在感，在很大程度上取決于當時玩的電子游戲。如果這不是所謂的奉獻，我不太清楚它的確切名稱是什么，因為“癡迷”分量太輕了。舉個例子，讓你們明白我的意思——把游戲變成“生意”： 在我上高中的那些年里，我想要玩游戲的惟一方法就是去網(wǎng)吧。如果你整夜玩，他們會有促銷優(yōu)惠。因此，我們通常會在晚上20:00到達，通宵達旦，玩電子游戲直到第二天早上7：00，因為這樣付款會便宜很多。當時一些網(wǎng)吧沒有自動管理系統(tǒng)。所以經(jīng)理必須記下你來的時間以及你使用電腦的時間。我經(jīng)常訪問的網(wǎng)吧之一就是這樣的。我會在下午晚些時候來，找一臺電腦玩。過夜后，當其他人早上7點左右離開時，我會繼續(xù)玩。最后，在深夜的第二天，在超過24小時沒有停止的視頻游戲之后，我終于要結(jié)賬離開了。有趣的情形出現(xiàn)了，因為沒有人會像我一樣做這樣的事情，而且我在那里的時候，員工至少換了三班，他們沒有人會想到檢查一下昨天的日志。他們會猶豫，不想表明他們不確定我什么時候來，最后做出最好的猜測，通常是2個小時，因為對于一個高中生來說，這似乎是一個很好的游戲時間段。

大學(xué)生活給過去已經(jīng)形成的游戲模式帶來了變化。在大學(xué)一年級的時候，我仍然做大量的游戲。相當多，每天最少幾個小時。然而，我第一次親身體驗到了我現(xiàn)在所知道的倦怠。我對電子游戲感到厭煩，因為我玩得太多了。我決定休息一下。開始休息的時候很糟糕，因為之前的激情消失了，之前的奉獻不見了。我經(jīng)常沮喪，不是因為我不能再玩了，而是因為我不想再玩了。在經(jīng)歷了這次蕭條之后的一段時間，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了另一項活動，它再次點燃了我內(nèi)心的火焰：健身。我和清華園里一些最好的朋友一起發(fā)現(xiàn)了它，毫不猶豫地，我們給自己開了個健身會員卡，并開始鍛煉身體。我會不斷思考如何做得更好，如何訓(xùn)練，如何吃飯，如何睡覺，補充哪些食品。以前我花那么多時間在游戲雜志和論壇上，它們都被健身內(nèi)容所取代了。我們每天都訓(xùn)練，決定在校園外一起租房子，這樣我們就可以為健美運動員做適當?shù)娘埐�。我們每天都�?xùn)練不停。一年后，我獲得了第二個健身會員資格，用于更先進的設(shè)備和游泳池。那時，我的人生目標是訓(xùn)練、成長、進步、快樂。每天下午，我都會和我的隊友一起在我們都有會員資格的第一個健身房里鍛煉。我們會在最后一次呼吸中戰(zhàn)勝自己。然后我們回家吃飯。我的同伴會學(xué)習，社交等。然而，我會默默地抓住我的第二張健身房會員卡，并開始我自己的額外訓(xùn)練，用更高端的方式改善自我，在游泳池里做我的有氧運動。我會在23點回到家，再吃一頓飯。這種情況持續(xù)了將近三年。在這段時間里，我的大腦一直在思考一個問題：我該如何轉(zhuǎn)職業(yè)？最終的結(jié)果是：我的消化系統(tǒng)部分受損，我的肩膀因為蝶泳而折斷，我的右肘在過于沉重的臥推中折斷，而且，身體狀況很差。

重復(fù)，過量，失去興趣和動機。當這種奉獻也不復(fù)存在時，不可避免的沮喪又來了。為了對抗它，我傾向于浪漫。 作為一個像我這樣魯莽的年輕小伙子，當然這是非常錯誤的。然后，我試圖回到游戲，不幸的是我仍然無法忍受它。由于缺乏奉獻精神，每天早上不想起床的斗爭非常真實和激烈。

很快，幾年后，我已經(jīng)來到法國了。為了對抗我的社交焦慮，我決定去跳舞。我去了一家薩爾薩俱樂部。我意識到，我應(yīng)該先說好法語才能理解舞蹈講義。我開始努力學(xué)習法語，并用英語搜索初級班。我找到了一個！生命力再次充滿了我的身體。我會在夢中跳舞。早上醒來的第一件事，就是練習我最近學(xué)到的舞蹈動作。當我的法語學(xué)得足夠好時，我搬到舞蹈俱樂部附近，獲得了俱樂部會員資格，我還在不同的學(xué)校購買了舞蹈課程。我跳舞跳舞，每天從20點到深夜都不停。這種情況持續(xù)了兩年。我從最笨拙的局外人到俱樂部里最有名的舞蹈家，成為班主任和客座教授。與此同時，和在這段時間我遇到的朋友創(chuàng)建了一個舞蹈協(xié)會，我們招募，訓(xùn)練，組織了很多節(jié)目和演出。從第二年年底起，我就開始在巴黎的舞臺上表演，為老人家、兒童醫(yī)院、年終慶�；顒右约鞍屠枋姓䦶d的公共活動演出。到第三年底，我成了一名真正的舞蹈教授。第四年是絕對的高峰。我們與我所屬俱樂部的主要成員組成了一個小組，與古巴的一所著名舞蹈學(xué)校達成了友好交流協(xié)議。我們?nèi)チ四抢�，為期兩周，學(xué)習，跳舞和玩樂，非常開心。這次旅行的標志，以我和我的舞伴在古巴圣地亞哥音樂之家來自世界各地的200多人面前表演的舞蹈為特征。我告訴你，當時我在舞臺上，在聚光燈下，感覺真的棒極了。

我想你已經(jīng)看到了即將到來的事情，多年的深夜舞蹈，讓我的身體垮了下來。一天早上，突然之間，我不想再跳舞了。我當時是舞蹈課的教授，完成了這個學(xué)期的教學(xué)，然后掛起舞鞋，沮喪又開始了。

生活的清單在繼續(xù)。

關(guān)鍵是，不要像我那樣做。多維度地嘗試豐富你在生活中的事情，把你的注意力集中到更多的邊界上，并平衡您的活動，從而使您保持穩(wěn)定和靈感。請不要尋找到你喜歡的東西，讓它殺死你，因為它帶來的惡果的可能會比你期望的更快。

小心點，伙計們。

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

I’m not quite sure if this is common. But I’ve come to understand that for the majority of my life, I always have sort of a devotion. Let me just speak it out really quickly: it is NOT always the same thing, and there’s hardly any logic to it. There, I said it.

It’s is kind of funny to say that my devotions in life have changed quite a bit over time. From later on in primary school, I was introduced to arcade video games by one of my classmates. This has started a love and hate relationship between me and video games as a whole till this very day. During middle school and high school, although I had to study very hard, my heart was always locked on to video games. You may think that this is not how people usually define devotion as a concept, but hear me out first. I didn’t mind doing other things than gaming. I still spent a decent amount of time in classroom, doing the necessary work and socializing with my mates. However, I didn’t get any satisfaction or sense of purpose by any of these activities. My mind would revolve around the following questions all the time: when can I game, how could I do better, how could I make this the one thing that I’ll do for my life?

My purpose of life, and my the very sense of existence, was highly dependent on playing video games at that time. If this is not called devotion, I don’t quite know what would be a proper name for it, because obsession would be too light of a word. To name one example for you to see I mean business: back in the years I was in senior high school, the only way I could play the games I want was to go to cyber cafe. They have a promotional deal if you play all night long. So we would normally arrive at 20:00 in the evening, take the all nighter pass and play video games till 7:00 next morning as it was a lot cheaper. Some cyber cafes back then did not have automatic management system. So the manager had to note down the time you came and how long you have used the computer on a notebook. One of the cyber cafes that I visited a lot was like this. I would came in the late afternoon, get a computer and play. After the all nighter, when all other people left around 7:00 in the morning, I would continue to play. Finally, at late night the 2nd day, after more than 24 hours none stop playing, I would finally ask for the bill and leave. Here comes the interesting part, since really nobody would do such things like me, and the employees have changed at least 3 shifts during the time I was there, nobody would think to check the log of yesterday. They would hesitate, not want to show that they were unsure of when I came, and finally give their best guess, which would normally be 2 hours, as that seemed to be a good amount of playing time for a high school student.

Then college life has indeed brought changes to the pattern which has worked out so well before. I still kept doing a fair amount of gaming in my freshman year. By a fair amount, I meant to say several hours each day minimum. However, this was the first time that I intensively experienced what I know now as burn-outs. I grew so sick of video games because that I played so much all the time. I decided to take break. The beginning of the break was terrible, with the previous devotion gone, I was constantly depressed, not because I couldn’t play any more but because I didn’t want to play anymore. Some time after this depression, I found another activity that rekindled my inner fire: body building. I discovered it with some of my best buddies on campus, within no hesitation we got ourselves a gym membership and started pumping iron. I would constantly think about how to do better, how to train, how to eat, how to sleep, which supplement to take. Before I used to spend so much time on game magazines and forums, but at that time they were all replaced by body building contents. We trained everyday, decided to rent a house together outside the campus so that we could cook ourselves proper meals for bodybuilders. We trained everyday none stop. A year later I got myself a 2nd gym membership for more advanced equipments and a swimming pool. At that time, the purpose of my life was to train, to grow bigger and better, and be happy. Each afternoon, I would pump iron with my mates in the first gym that we all have membership. We would beat ourselves to the last breathe. Then we came home, ate diner. My mates would then study, socialize, etc. However, I would silently grab my second gym membership card, and start my own additional training, to refine my movement with higher end gears, to do my cardio in the swimming pool. I would came back home at 23:00 and then take another meal. This lasted for almost 3 years. During this time, my brain was thinking only one question constantly: how do I turn pro? The final result: I partially ruined my digestive system, my shoulder snapped from butterfly swimming and my right elbow snapped from too heavy bench press with poor form.

Again, over dose, lost of interest, and of motivation. The inevitable depression came again when this devotion was gone too. To fight against it, I tended to romance. As a reckless young lad like me at that time, of course it went horribly wrong. I then tried to go back to gaming, unfortunately I still couldn’t stand it then. That struggle of not wanting to get out of bed each morning due to lack of devotion more was so real and intense.

Fast forward some years, I have already come to France. To combat my social anxiety, I decided to pick up dancing. I went to a salsa club which offered classes at that time. That was the moment I realized that I should first speak French to understand the dance professor. After the first failure, I started to learn French diligently and searched for beginner classes in English. I’ve found one! Life force was again filled my body. I would dance in my dream. The first thing when I woke up in the morning, was to practice the most recent dance moves that I learned. When my French got better enough, I moved near the dance club and got the club membership, I also bought dance classes at different schools. I danced and danced, everyday from 20h till mid-night none stop. This lasted for 2 years. I went from the most awkward outsider to the most known dancer at the club, to the lead of class and to substitute professor. Meanwhile, with people I met during this time, we created a dance association, we recruited, trained and finally we organized many shows. From the end of year 2, I start to perform on stage in Paris, for senior homes, children hospital, end of year celebrations, and public events for city hall of Paris. By the end of 3rd year, I became a professor with my dancing partner at that time. The 4th year was the absolute peak. With the key members of the club to which I belong, we formed a group and scored a friendly exchange agreement with one of the famous dancing schools in Cuba. We went there, for 2 weeks, to learn, to dance and to have fun. The trip was marked by a full dance I performed with my partner in front of more than 200 people from all over the world at casa de la musica santiago de cuba. I tell you, it felt awesome when I was on stage, under the spotlight.

I think you saw what’s coming, years of dancing late into the night has put my body down. One morning, all of a sudden, I didn’t want to dance any more. I finished the semester at the dance class of which I was professor at the time and then I hanged my dancing shoes, while the depression started to kick-in.

The list goes on and on.

The point is, do not do like I did. Try to be rich in what you do in life, be multi-dimensional. Divide your attention to more frontiers and balance your activities so that you would be stable and inspired. Please DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you, because it would probably kill you a lot sooner than you expect.

Take care guys.

《情緒管理十二講》

巴黎雷歐 著

原書名：Paris gold Key（巴黎金鑰匙）

Léo Paris 巴黎雷歐 著

Paris2019

內(nèi)容簡介

這是一本從非常別致的角度解析情緒管理的著作，是從作者的系列心理學(xué)講座中挑選出來的。巴黎雷歐（李由、任由之）的系列心理學(xué)講座，在法國、美國青年中頗受歡迎，特試譯為中文版本。

巴黎雷歐著有《跨國公司內(nèi)部談判效益論析》（法文版）《法國現(xiàn)代書畫藝術(shù)評論》（英文版3卷）和《雷歐帶你認識法國》《雷歐帶你認識巴黎》等書籍。

由于巴黎雷歐現(xiàn)系巴黎遠東文化藝術(shù)協(xié)會負責人，巴黎遠東藝術(shù)館、巴黎雷歐珍寶館和多種媒體及版權(quán)交易機構(gòu)負責人，非常繁忙，所以此譯本尚未得巴黎雷歐先生審閱，特此說明。

情緒管理十二講LéoParis –巴黎雷歐 目錄

（中文譯本未經(jīng)巴黎雷歐審閱）

第一講 輕松成功，有秘訣嗎？

第二講 給你的“自律”放個假

第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避

第四講 成功的關(guān)鍵在于效率

第五講 毒性人格，為何不能正常詮釋

第六講 情感脫節(jié)，一個危險的癥狀

第七講 情緒化，恰恰是因為缺乏感性

第八講 強烈感覺與自我意識

第九講 治愈厭倦，參與周圍的環(huán)境

第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你

第十一講 社交障礙治療——消除隔離

第十二講 樂趣和成功之間的差距

Paris gold Key

巴黎金鑰匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to success with efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

著者簡介

巴黎雷歐（Léo Paris），曾用名李由，任由之，巴黎大學(xué)國際經(jīng)濟研究生畢業(yè)，曾任通用電氣公司歐亞總部經(jīng)理及新浪歐洲財經(jīng)特邀記者，著有《晨曦集》《在成長》《跨國公司內(nèi)部談判》（法）《情緒管理十二講》（法）《遠東文化藝術(shù)》（法）《巴黎雷歐藝術(shù)評論》（法，3卷）《簡明國際商務(wù)》（考研輔導(dǎo)用書）《國際談判哲學(xué)》（法）《國際談判實務(wù)》（華）等。

巴黎雷歐