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巴黎雷歐《情緒管理十二講》第四講 成功的關(guān)鍵在于效率[原創(chuàng)]

第四講 成功的關(guān)鍵在于效率

看到這個標(biāo)題，你可能會認為這是另一篇文章，談?wù)摰氖菬o所不在的高效力人群的習(xí)慣。但不，這不是那些文章中的一個。

效率可以提高很多的不同層次的生活。今天我要觸及一個不太清楚的領(lǐng)域：停止重建你頭腦中的事實，以避免不愉快的事件來干預(yù)你的自我形象。具體地說，不要懷疑你的意圖，而要判斷你的技能。

我親眼目睹了許多朋友和我自己在生活中的停滯，一段長的或短的時間。有時候，看著這種情形很痛苦，但有時需要很長時間才能意識到。在更廣泛的個人成長意義上，在給定的時間框架內(nèi)缺乏進展，顯然是無法獲得效率的。

我將舉出一個個人例子來說明我的觀點。我的朋友們也反復(fù)觀察到類似的情況。當(dāng)一個孤獨的年輕男性開始在生活的海洋中航行時，不可避免地會遇到一個挑戰(zhàn)，那就是時間本身的陳舊。

你可以想象，隨著文化背景的徹底改變，譬如我從中國搬到法國，會影響我的社交能力。在新的環(huán)境里，我作為年輕人，對服裝的品味，恐怖的發(fā)型選擇，關(guān)鍵的人際交往技巧，都是缺乏的，一點也不擅長的。

令人震驚，對吧？但這還不是令人震驚的部分。真正削弱了我個人成長效率的，是我來應(yīng)付這種令人不快的情況，在頭腦中創(chuàng)造的防御機制。

現(xiàn)在我來模擬一下我的經(jīng)歷，讓你更好地理解它。

幾個星期過去，我終于在一個聚會上得到了一個可愛的女孩的電話號碼，瑪麗。一個奇跡已經(jīng)從天上掉下來了，她實際上回答了我的聯(lián)絡(luò)信息。之后，我努力工作，業(yè)余時間細心安排一個時間和地點和她會面，似乎一切都都好。當(dāng)最后一天到來的時候，我卻顯得緊張、尷尬，出現(xiàn)了一些挫折，（我不是指我緊張的時候，我在我的約會前把熱咖啡灑了自己身上）。你可能已經(jīng)猜測，結(jié)果會是災(zāi)難性的。到目前為止，沒有什么特別的發(fā)展。對于任何一個多年來完善了自己的游戲的人來說，這只是一個我們以后可以自我解嘲的插曲。但在那之后，當(dāng)我了解到瑪麗對我的浪漫介入不感興趣時，我的腦海里就會出現(xiàn)一些事情。我的第一個舉動總是很快就懷疑我對找到愛的渴望，懷疑我是否渴望與一個我欣賞的女孩建立更為豐富的聯(lián)系。我的大腦會生出這樣的想法：我不確定我是否真的想要這些。也許這種情緒對我來說不是最好的。不過重要的是，我把重點放轉(zhuǎn)到了我的學(xué)習(xí)和工作上，這是需要優(yōu)先考慮的。

這件事后的想法，與我在本文開頭所提到的完全相反。我懷疑自己的意圖，而不是判斷自己的技能。我花了這么多年的時間來面對這個簡單的問題，當(dāng)開始發(fā)牢騷的時候：堅持住，如果我們想在這里得分，那是小菜一碟，我們有一個很好的機會得到它，沒有更多的麻煩，你還是寧愿離開它嗎？然后，我只是喜歡看我的大腦非常勉強地說出下面的一句話：那樣的話，今晚帶她回家真是太好了。

你可能認為我在這里玩一個智力游戲。但遺憾的是，我們總是被自己的思想所打動。讓我們把洋蔥剝得更開些。為什么我們?nèi)菀讘岩勺约旱囊鈭D？原因很簡單，通過這樣做，在我們想要達到什么目標(biāo)的路途上，避免了面對我們的無能的風(fēng)險。

你不能說我不夠好，當(dāng)我不太喜歡某件事情的時候。多么聰明？可悲的是，使我們在生活中進步的關(guān)鍵之一是自我意識，是我們對自己想要的東西足夠熟練。記住，我們的技能并沒有定義我們，因為我們總是可以通過訓(xùn)練變得更好。我們的精神世界確實如此。

Key to success with efficiency

Seeing this title, you might think that this would be another article that talks about the omnipresent subjects of several habits of highly effective people. But no, this is not one of these articles.

Efficiency can be improved upon so many different levels in life. Today I’m going to hit an obscure area of it: stop reconstruction the facts in your head post unpleasant events to preserve your self-image. In more specific words, don’t doubt your intention, judge your skills instead.

I’ve witnessed many friends and myself stagnate in life for longer or shorter periods. Sometimes it’s painful to watch right away, but sometimes it took a long time to realize. In a broader sense of personal growth, lack of progress in a given time frame is a clear failure to obtain efficiency.

I’ll take a personal example to illustrate my point. Similar situations have been repeatedly observed among my friends. As a lonely young male first starts to navigate in the sea of life, I inevitably encountered the challenge that is old as time itself: find love, or intimate companionship from attractive girls.

But as you can imagine, with the radical change of cultural background (I moved from China to France, so there went my social adequacy), plus my adolescent taste for clothing, horror inducing hair style choices and lack of crucial people skills, I wasn’t doing great at all.

Stunning, right? Just hold on, because this is not the shocking part at all. What really killed the efficiency in my personal growth, was the defensive mechanism that I created in my head to cope with this unpleasant situation.

Let me run a simulation of my experience for you to understand it better.

After weeks of struggle, I finally managed to get a phone number of a cute girl from a party, Marie. And, a second miracle has dropped from the sky, she actually replied to my text OMG. Then, I would work my way up, carefully arrange a time and place for a first date, so far so good. Finally, the day came, I would show up nervous, awkward, and with short bursts of frustration attack here and there during the first date. Now you probably figured out that the result would be disastrous (I didn’t mean that time when I was so nervous that I spilled hot coffee all over myself in front of my date). So far there’s nothing special. For any man who has perfected his game over the years, it’s just a process that we could laugh at later on. But back then, something would happen in my brain after I understood that Marie was not interested in a romantic involvement with me. My first move was always to quickly doubt my desire to find love, to be skeptical about my urge to find physical or mental connections with a girl I appreciate. My brain would come up with ideas like: I’m not sure if I really want this. Maybe sentiment is not the best thing for me right now. It is more important that I focus on my study and work which are absolute priorities, etc.

And this afterthought, is the exact opposite of what I mentioned at the beginning of this article. I was doubting my intention, instead of judging my skills. It took me so many years to be able to confront my brain with this simple question when it starts to be whiny: hold on there, if what we are trying to score here is a piece of cake, and we have a very good chance to get it without any more hassle, would you still rather leave it? Then, I just enjoy watching my brain very reluctantly utter the following phrase: in that case, it would be nice to bring her home tonight.

You may think that I’m playing a mind game here. But sadly, we are always the ones that get played by our own minds. Let’s peel the onion even further. Why we doubt our intentions easily? The reason is simple, by doing so, we avoid the very risk of facing our incompetence regarding what we want to achieve.

You can’t say I’m not good enough when I’m not really into it. How clever is it? Sadly, one of the keys that makes us progress in life is the self-awareness that we are yet skillful enough for what we want. Remember, our skills don’t define us, because we can always train to get better. But our mental strength does.

《情緒管理十二講》

巴黎雷歐 著

原書名：Paris gold Key（巴黎金鑰匙）

Léo Paris 巴黎雷歐 著

Paris2019

內(nèi)容簡介

這是一本從非常別致的角度解析情緒管理的著作，是從作者的系列心理學(xué)講座中挑選出來的。巴黎雷歐（李由、任由之）的系列心理學(xué)講座，在法國、美國青年中頗受歡迎，特試譯為中文版本。

巴黎雷歐著有《跨國公司內(nèi)部談判效益論析》（法文版）《法國現(xiàn)代書畫藝術(shù)評論》（英文版3卷）和《雷歐帶你認識法國》《雷歐帶你認識巴黎》等書籍。

由于巴黎雷歐現(xiàn)系巴黎遠東文化藝術(shù)協(xié)會負責(zé)人，巴黎遠東藝術(shù)館、巴黎雷歐珍寶館和多種媒體及版權(quán)交易機構(gòu)負責(zé)人，非常繁忙，所以此譯本尚未得巴黎雷歐先生審閱，特此說明。

情緒管理十二講LéoParis –巴黎雷歐 目錄

（中文譯本未經(jīng)巴黎雷歐審閱）

第一講 輕松成功，有秘訣嗎？

第二講 給你的“自律”放個假

第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避

第四講 成功的關(guān)鍵在于效率

第五講 毒性人格，為何不能正常詮釋

第六講 情感脫節(jié)，一個危險的癥狀

第七講 情緒化，恰恰是因為缺乏感性

第八講 強烈感覺與自我意識

第九講 治愈厭倦，參與周圍的環(huán)境

第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你

第十一講 社交障礙治療——消除隔離

第十二講 樂趣和成功之間的差距

Paris gold Key

巴黎金鑰匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to success with efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

著者簡介

巴黎雷歐（Léo Paris），曾用名李由，任由之，巴黎大學(xué)國際經(jīng)濟研究生畢業(yè)，曾任通用電氣公司歐亞總部經(jīng)理及新浪歐洲財經(jīng)特邀記者，著有《晨曦集》《在成長》《跨國公司內(nèi)部談判》（法）《情緒管理十二講》（法）《遠東文化藝術(shù)》（法）《巴黎雷歐藝術(shù)評論》（法，3卷）《簡明國際商務(wù)》（考研輔導(dǎo)用書）《國際談判哲學(xué)》（法）《國際談判實務(wù)》（華）等。

巴黎雷歐